I’ll preface this off by stating that I haven’t actually worn diapers since I was a toddler. I don’t know the actual experience, and have very little in the sense of ABDL, CG/L and that sphere of kink and desire.
I want to wear diapers. It’s a weird conclusion to come to, being a 20 year old psychology student, but it’s one I have struggled to come to terms with. The last few weeks of trying to overcome the fear and anxiety that comes with wrestling with my adult brain for one drop of comfort has been mentally exhausting. Overcoming it has been one of the greatest feelings I’ve had in a long time, but it isn’t exactly long lived.
My partner, whom is currently a thousand miles away, is more of a “little” or sub in the relationship. I’ve always been used to taking the reigns, but it has become increasingly difficult for me to please her as the dominant member of the relationship. My desire to be submissive paired with the burning necessity to regress in a nonsexual way makes My position as a dom in the relationship feel forced.
Now I’m sure she will read this, and I must clarify that this does not mean that I do not love her. I just wish it was easier for me to be what I believe you want. She is supportive and tries her hardest, but it isnt always enough. I don’t feel right. I feel like I’m forcing her into a position where she has to be dom and doesn’t want to. Even if that isnt the case, that is my thoughts on the matter.
I want to be able to regress to an age from which I didnt have much of a childhood. I practically want to relive those days, when my life was entirely eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom with a side of playtime. It sounds so appealing to me and I guess that’s what scares me the most. As an intellectual going into the psychology field, I’m terrified of my own mentality.
So yes, it seems like I’ve gotten myself into a dilemma. This horror show has lasted 2 months now and I don’t see it getting any easier.