Every time I discover something I like, want, crave and desire, my world seems to fall apart in one aspect or another. Discovering my sexuality was not straight brought about a lot of resistance from my family and even some friends. Accepting myself as a furry has opened myself up to ridicule and criticism for a vice that allows me to open up as myself. Deciding to identify openly as polyamorous has caused many problems in my usually monogamous relationships, past and present.  Finally, attempting to embrace the fact that I am in the ABDL spectrum, and desire to wear diapers has left me with another reason to feel like a freak.

We, as humans and individuals, are obsessed with our public outlook to the point that we destroy ourselves more than the public would. I myself see myself as a freak, where as anyone else on this earth who feels like I do is not that strange to me. These feelings of self hatred and worthlessness only follow myself around and that is solely a learned behavior beaten in through years of conforming to society. Its a coping mechanism that is only causing me pain, mentally, and causes many people physical pain in the form of self harm.

 

I do not want to live here in the burden of my desires, and see myself as a freak. I want to wholly embrace the fact that I, like everyone else on earth, am an individual who seeks to find comfort and acceptance in what I do. I want to accept myself first and foremost, and make being accepted by others as a secondary goal. I don’t want to struggle with the pains of worrying about social norms and conformity when I have my own happiness to seek. What I desire is not harming anyone, so I should not feel inclined to destroy my own self outlook because social norms dictate that it is abnormal.

I hope that everyone strives to do this and succeeds. You aren’t a freak, a monster, or any negative thing your brain tells you that you are. You are you, and you are beautiful. I hope that you can see that too.

These are my goals, and saying this outright is my first step towards realizing these goals.

I am Cosmos. I am a twenty year old woman who enjoys the idea of wearing diapers. I identify as an ABDL. Despite what my brain thinks, I am not a freak. I will strive harder than ever to accept and love myself against the harsh constructs of society. The battle of my own desires will only ever be won by me.

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